Sunday, November 17, 2019

Sailor is SIX.


Sailor turned six today. What an awesome kid our little Sailor has turned out to be. He is gracious, funny, and light hearted. He loves to snuggle, his favorite food is chili, he LOVES Star Wars (specifically the Dark Side), and he still wears dress-up clothes almost every single day.

When Sailor was born, I knew he would be special. I couldn't have imagined how special he would turn out to be- how deeply loving and kind and positive he would be. He is all of those things. He is generous with hugs. He hears music and mimics it. He sings. He plays piano. He dotes on his big brother and his baby sister. Sailor is still the only one in the house who can consistently get Poppy to eat. Sailor has a special touch.

I have been amazed at Sailor's creative spirit throughout his six years but in the last six months, his creativity has blossomed even brighter. He loves to color and draw and he LOVES to read.

We celebrated Sailor's birthday with our close friends. We ate John's Tiki Masala and white rice and sailor blew out his trick birthday candles like a pro (I wonder what he wished for...). We have created a tradition where every birthday is celebrated in the morning. I decorate the night before and the kids come down stairs like it's Christmas. This birthday was light on the gifts since we celebrated his birthday in DisneyLand last week. He has wanted a Zurg action figure for a long time now, so he was quite excited to open him up and start playing bright and early this morning.

Sailor is hoping for a piano for Christmas...so Grandma sent him some money to put towards a piano and Tony and I put some money in a jar to show him that we are saving up for said piano. Easton wanted to buy him special Pokemon cards- Sailor was so excited to get them!

All in all, it's been a beautiful life so far with our sweet Sailor boy. He brings so much joy and whimsey into this house. He is such a gift.

Wednesday, November 6, 2019

Poppy is ONE!

This is a momentous birthday.



It took a whole lot of medical intervention to get Poppy to her first birthday. She has had two major surgeries (abdominal mass removed at five months and open heart surgery to correct an undetected heart defect at 7 months). The night before her birthday I sat next to Tony after we put the three kiddos to sleep. I sat on the floor and tears started welling up in my eyes. We made it.

I cried that night out of exhaustion, gratitude, and joy. This past year has been the most challenging in my life. Poppy has been strong and fragile since the very beginning. I remember the moment the nurses put Poppy on my chest. She had these perfect little red lips. She had a small red mark coming from both nostrils. She had the face of her brothers. She was perfect.

When I talked with my sweet husband the other night, I reminisced on the two weeks before we took her to the ER. Her strong and fun disposition was slowly fading. I remembered that I wanted to stay awake and watch her sleep- because I couldn't quite put my finger on it...but something was wrong. I remembered the doctor telling us our baby was in heart failure, and wondering if I had anything to wear to a funeral...

A week before her hospital stint, my friend Nicole came over for a girls night. Nicole is amazing and artsy and the right person for me to tell a little secret too. I told Nicole that I had written not one but two poems about Poppy. I read them to her. She cried and then told me to write a poetry book (I laughed).

After Poppy went into heart failure, Nicole called. She said, "I can't help but think about those poems! I think you wrote them because God was putting Poppy on your heart so completely and deeply that it came out in poetry." I thought about it. She was right. For two weeks, I was more connected and concerned and consumed with Poppy than ever before (with any of my kids). I think that's been the theme of mine and Poppy's relationship this year. Connection.

We have never been away from each other for more than a few hours. She has consumed my heart and body and mind.

While tony and I talked the other night, I tearfully thanked him for our third baby. He was never quite sure he wanted a third until one day, miraculously, he was. I wouldn't change one moment of Poppy's first year. She has made us stronger, wiser, more faithful, and deeply compassionate (for others and for ourselves).

Poppy is fifteen pounds of pure joy. She says words like, "yeah!", "kiss", "mama", "hi", and "dada." She sleeps for no more than five hour stretches, will (almost) only take naps with me laying next to her, and hates to be changed. She loves dogs, and finds BOTH of her brothers HILARIOUS. She sneaks up the stairs (so so quickly), and crawls with a peg leg. She has stood up on her own for a few seconds at a time but isn't quite ready for walking. She "speaks" non-stop and has the sweetest baby voice I have ever heard. That beautiful scar on her chest is pink and perfect and reminds me every day of her grit and determination. She may be little. But she is MIGHTY. (below are the two poems I wrote for Poppy...)


Happy birthday, sweet Poppy bird. We love you.

Poem #1
I feel her belly
It rises and falls with mine
Her breath milky warm

Quick breaths in and out
Faster, much faster than mine
Short, calm, rhythmic breath

Her lips find my breast
She swallows with fierce hunger
Drinking up her fill

I would pay any
Price, To have her inside me
Just One more time

She fills my heart and
Breaks it with her growing mind
her growing body

She will need like this
Until one day she won’t
I will grieve that day

God spun her to life
Perfectly in my body
Knowing her wholly

He Whispered her
tiny eggs’ existence
All she will carry

Future grandchildren
Of mine, while she stayed
warm in my womb

This wildflower grows
The wind will take her from me
She’ll dance in the sun

I will always be
the first rich soil where she
Grew steady strong bright.


Poem #2
They say not to let
Her fall asleep while she eats
Put her to bed awake

They say never let
Her sleep in my arms
Put her to bed on her back

They say let her cry, give
her all the coping skills
She will be smart that way

They say enjoy her
It all goes so fast
She will be off to college soon

I enjoy the feeling of
Her falling asleep on my breast
Watching her eyes slowly close

I hold her while she sleeps
And love the weight of
her In my arms

I can let her cry
But I would rather watch
Her smile grow into laughter

I will enjoy these moments
They go by so fast
She will be off to college soon
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