Tuesday, January 13, 2015

notes on adult friends.

 most of my friends have been in my life since i was a wee child. seriously, since like, five years old. the amazing thing about those friends is that we have so much history. my friends know/knew my parents, they were with me during my awkward elementary school years. every one of them can tell you who my 1-6th grade crush was. they could also tell you who my 7-12th grade crush was. they were with me through my "festive" years and are by my side through my sober years. even if we can't talk about each and everything we are going through in our daily lives- we have a past. we're loyal. we will do anything for each other. ride or die.

adult friends are so much more complicated. we don't have that same history. we can't bring up funny stories from the past or inside jokes that are fifteen years old to fill silent spaces in our conversation. adult friends have to have real stuff in common. we can't just rely on history and loyalty to fuse our relationship.

i am a deep, sensitive, and complex human. i need a soul connection to be really invested. i want my friends to understand me, or at the very least, hear me. i need a friend who can talk about that real, brutal, beautiful, and complex stuff that goes on in our heads, hearts, and spirit. the problem with adult friends vs. kid friends is that kid friends know me without trying. they've watched me grow up. change. adult friends actually have to try. they have to be willing to hear me and let me hear them or else, what the hell are we trying to forge here? what's the point? social friends are cool and all- but i have kids and a job and a husband and a program and sponsees, and yoga (don't ya know). i need friends that can ride or die. i need a soul connection. i need a friendship that is as complex and layered and beautiful as my life is.

please understand that having fun with friends is so important to me. but if i can't be real. if i can't talk about the life that i love- the real one- (not the sparkly instagram version, life)…it's just not for me.

i'm grateful for my beautiful relationships. i'm thankful for the women who trudge along side me on this road of life. adult friends and kid friends. sheesh. thank you, God for the beauty in my life.

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