Monday, December 3, 2012

Dad.

Last week my daddy died. Putting that into words feels so surreal. It's been a very long and hard road, as he had been sick for many years.  I don't believe that that fact has made losing him any less difficult. I'm in the process of having to reconcile the loss of two different versions of my dad, which is something that will take me a long time to work out (I suppose)....




 I lost my dad who was ill and needed to be set free; I have found peace and serenity in the death of my sick dad. I've also lost a dad who was once healthy, happy, and free. It's him that I haven't let myself think about for a very long time...maybe thinking of him that way was too painful for me. I think remembering my dad when he was at his best just reminded me of what I was missing. It's that Dad, he is the one I'm grieving. He is the one that keeps me awake at night. I miss him. So. Much.

 My dad was a wonderful man. Salt of the earth. He wasn't materialistic, boring, or disinterested. He loved to hang out with his two daughters, he loved to camp, and he loved to golf. He married his best friend (my mama) at the tender age of 22 and stayed married to her all of his life. He loved eating cioppino, adored the forty niners, and loved to make things like candles, ornaments, and rat mazes. Once, he went to the grocery store to buy milk and came back with a bunny! I got to name him (Licorice), and my dad built a castle (huge rabbit cage) for him in the back yard. He was smart, creative, and hard working. He loved me. And I loved him.

I feel like I've become a member of a really shitty club. The "dead parent," club. But....(and there is a really big BUT),  I'm also the member of a really amazing club (that is far more exclusive). It's called the "I was raised by an extraordinary man, who  loved his family and did anything for them," club.

Lucky me.

2 comments:

joeh said...

A beautiful post!

GranMaCta said...

You are so right about your Dad Rebecca. He also had a wonderful sense of humor. When you were but a wee-one and I was actively playing racquet ball with several of the preschool Mom's, your Dad expressed a lot of interest in how we were doing with that sport. "Well", I said to Joe, "I"ve gotten really good. I'm beating most of my friends." And your Dad asked if I would show him how I was doing that by playing with him. "Of course!" I said smugly. When we finally set the time, I just knew I was gonna show him a thing-or-two. Well little did I know your Dad was a champion racquet ball player in college and he whipped my butt! Your mother knew this, but never said a thing to me. I've always appreciated that about your Mom. This is my fondest memory of your Dad. He was a truly wonderful, loving person.

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