Thursday, July 18, 2019

Poppy's Scar.



'you've been focusing a lot on the scar,' my sister said. "do you want to talk about it? How it will look?"

"no. i wouldn't say I'm FOCUSING, just thinking about it." 

I was focusing on the scar. one large scar, right down the center of her chest. a scar whose line starts just under the notch of her sternum and travels down to the top of her rib cage. it won't blend in. i would be telling a lie if i did not write about my first thoughts. the thoughts of a scar poking through her prom dress, her senior photos, her wedding dress. I had thought about how cruel kids can be- what they might say about the huge line down her breast bone.

If I'm honest, it brought me back to my childhood. the way my body looked just a little bit different from my friends. I was fair...pale, if you will. I had (and still do) dark blue veins that stood out on my chest. My legs where so white that my friends (ahem, ali and allison) used to poke fun that my legs looked like milk jars.

I have always, -oh dear God please let it stop one day- felt my body out of place. too curvy, too thick, too much up top. Every single time I put a dress on, I have to think...does this make me look like a woman of the night? My friends with smaller more delicate frames never have to ask that question....they don't look inappropriate in a stylish v-neck sweater from J-Crew. I do.

I have always dreamt that my little girl would be the exact opposite of me. petite, quiet, delicate. I hoped that when she walked into a room, she would be seen for all the things that I want to be seen for. Intelligence, dedication, poise, strength. I'm scared of this scar. I'm scared of this traumatic story, that will be told by her and retold a hundred times to strangers- at least- strangers to me.

For me, this scar represents Poppy's autonomy. Her heart failure, her pulmonary hypertension, her very near death experience...it all happened to her. I would have gladly ripped my chest open on her behalf. I would have taken all of it from her if I could. I couldn't. All those months that she cooked in my belly, when we were one...those are over. She is her own person. she'll have her own baggage, health issues, successes, insecurities, and failures. I'm just along for the ride as long as she'll let me.

This scar is a part of Poppy, not me. She will grow into it. Sometimes she will hate it, other times..maybe she will use it as a source of strength and grit. My focus on the scar had so little to do with what it would look like and far more to do with it belonging to HER. my girl. my eight month old baby had heart surgery and in the moments that I forget, or hope to forget, there it will be. A perfectly straight, long scar right down the middle of her chest. A reminder of what she went through. How close we were to losing her...and how hard she fought to keep going.

We named her Poppy for a reason. the wild poppies grow almost anywhere. they are hearty, earthy, beautiful flowers that represent all the things we know our girl will be. Poppies have grit. Our Poppy, she has grit.


Monday, June 17, 2019

Poppy is SEVEN months!


Poppy turned seven months last week. She is making all of us fall in love with her more and more everyday. 

She's about 14 pounds, wears size six month clothes, and loves wearing big bows around her head and baby sunglasses. She has one bottom tooth which has broken the surface, but it's far from totally grown in...it's barley noticeable. We have given her little bits of food here and there...she gets most of the food on her clothes and very little in her mouth. I'm a big fan of the "baby led weaning" which means a bit more mess but A LOT more baby control over what they put in their mouth and when they feel finished. We've given her small bits of avocado, banana, strawberries, and some greek yogurt (which she dipped her hands in and put in her mouth...super duper messy).

She sits up on her own, she scoots backwards, and she still sleeps anywhere but her crib. Poppy is also going from laying down on her back to sitting up by herself- which I find remarkable. As soon as I hand her off to ANYONE, she cries. When I take her back, she stops. It's quite infuriating (and a bit sweet ;).

She talks a lot, especially at night. My friends and I are pretty sure she called John (our good buddy and neighbor) Dada. Tony has been called Dada a couple of times...and I've heard mama a few times, too. She waves hello, with her entire arm and open hand, and it might be the cutest thing ever.

Poppy loves music, especially singing. We sing to her all day long. She stops crying almost instantly if we sing. So far her favorite singer is Mama, but I'm certain she'll love Beyonce just as much one of these days.

Wednesday, June 5, 2019

Sailor's Pre-K Graduation


 Tonight, my Sailor-boy "graduated" from Pre-K.

Sailor stole my heart five and a half years ago. He's kind and cautious. He's shy and goofy. Sailor takes after his mama by singing on the drop of a dime and loves to curl up and cuddle.

 This year has been such a sweet year. We have seen a huge change in Sailor- his teacher, Ms. Lisa has played a huge role in this change. While I will happily carry his backpack and jacket and HIM... Ms. Lisa has (more times than I care to admit) kindly encouraged him to handle his own sh*t (my explative not hers 🙊).  He has become more responsible, confident, and pushes his chair in every time I show up for pick up.

Tonight at his graduation ceremony, he and his classmates sang a few songs, (songs which he has sung to me throughout the week to "practice") stood up to receive their diploma's, and proudly marched to the stage with the graduation song playing in the background.

After a quick trip to a frozen yogurt shop for celebration, tony tucked the boys in and said prayers. a little while later, sailor padded into my room. he had a "bad dream".  We walked downstairs to cuddle for a few minutes and he let me know he didn't want to go to kindergarden. He doesn't want to leave Ms. Lisa's class. He doesn't wake up early enough to go to school at 9am...  As he started to cry, I was reminded of the story my mom told me many times over the years. the story goes- when I was three, I curled up in her lap and cried because I didn't want to turn four.  sailor and I are cut from the same cloth.


These moments for us parents- they are proud, sappy, and exciting. For sailor though, it is the great unknown. will kindergarden be scary? will it be different than what he's used to? will he have to do hard things? will he have to do these hard things without his mama there to help him through? YES.

As I held my Sailor, I reminded him that he CAN do hard things. And before he does, he'll have a summer full of mama time and full of adventures.  We'll even set the alarm to practice waking up on time for school.

Tuesday, May 28, 2019

Poppy is SIX months!

I, Rebecca Frascone, first of my name, mother of three, sleep deprived queen of the Frascone house...did not make time to write a post about Poppy at her FIVE month mile stone. So, I will give a quick recap on her fifth month of life and sprinkle in her sixth month, too!
Poppy was dedicated (a similar process to baptism, but at our church here in Washington, we practice dedication in place of infant baptism) at Gospel Life Church on March 10th. We had a little get together after the service with all of our Community Group family and a couple of other close friends. Poppy was a little doll the entire day, and looked so sweet wearing the dress that myself, my sister, and my two cousins wore on our baptism days all those years ago. 

Poppy had been pretty fussy for quite some time and her nursing was getting worse and worse. Her surgeon (who we met before she was even born) had decided it was best to remove the mass in her belly in case that was causing issues. Her surgery went better than expected and she was out of the hospital within 24 hours. Since then, her nursing has improved (so has her mood) and she has gained 6oz in three weeks! Hooray!

She is still on the small end of the growth chart, clocking in at a whopping 6%tile for overall weight and height. She weighs 13.2 lbs. (that weight was taken on May 14) and she's as tiny as a jelly bean. 

Although she is small, she is mighty. Poppy has been very strong since day one and continues to amaze us with her body control. She loves jumping her little heart out in her jumpy saucer and cries every time I put her down- she wants to be held constantly (if she's not happily jumping). She still sleeps with me (sigh) and has yet to spend one minute in her crib. 

Poppy and I had a successful girls trip to visit my sister in Davis last month. She had quality auntie time and lot's of snuggles from her cousins. 

She is so alert and active and loves to watch the leaves on the trees, her brother's dancing, and playing with her rattle. She also loves to pull my hair. I don't love that so much....

I have made up a song for all three of my kiddos when they were babies. The boys absolutely LOVE singing the song I made up for Poppy- as soon as they start singing it, she starts screaming and giggling with joy. The song goes like this: 
Our Poppy is the best!
Though she likes to poop in her pants.
Oh, she's the best baby in the whole wide world
Oh, I love my little Poppy girl,
That's right!
Oh, I love my little Poppy girl!

Her nap schedule is as follows: a tiny nap in the morning (usually on me or in the car seat...on our way to yoga), afternoon nap (sometimes in my bed, sometimes on me while we walk), late afternoon nap in bed. wow...just writing this nap schedule makes me feel like a terrible mama...three kids is no easy task. yikes. 

We love watching our little wild flower grow and look forward to taking her on her first international trip soon! Poppy's smile is infectious. She laughs (especially at night) for tony and I, but almost always smiles and laughs as soon as she sees her brothers. They entertain her to no end...




Monday, March 18, 2019

Poppy is FOUR months old!




I am about 10 days late in posting about Poppy's four month milestones, however the pictures that I took were on her four month birthday. She has been keeping me quite busy, quite engaged, and a little crazy.

Poppy has not mastered the nap... or the night time sleep. She has been very fussy these last few weeks- which is hard, if i'm completely honest. Month three went quick. She turned three months, and then all of a sudden here we are (part of the way through) four months old!

One of her most fussy days was right after she turned three months. the day was long and I was dreaming of taking a drive and maybe not returning. That night I cried a bit and told Tony how hard she had been all day. then, I laid her down on my bed to change her clothes and for the first time (EVER) she giggled out loud and HARD. On her fussiest day, she gave me her first real laugh. God is such a show off.



At her four month check up, Poppy weighed 11 lbs 14oz. She is in the 12th percentile for overall size- which is quite small, but she's growing steadily. I'm so thankful she's so tiny because I carry her around all day. My back thanks her, too.

Poppy is incredibly strong. She holds her neck up like a six month old, and wants to stand ALL the time. laying her down is a sure way to piss her off, so we bought a jumpy saucer for her to get her wiggles out while she's upright. she sits almost completely unassisted. It's pretty impressive.




Nursing has been going well most of the time. She seems to get uncomfortable easily, however. I have tried lot's of nursing positions, but the one she seems to like the best is when i place my arm under her head while she nurses. She gets fussy very easily while she's eating and likes things calm and quiet without any talking from mama. this seems nearly impossible since I have two other children who want my undivided attention as well. So Poppy gets angry, doesn't eat, and I try again later. She'll learn.

Of course, I would be remiss if I didn't write that NO MATTER how fussy she gets, she is still my greatest joy these days. I am so in love with my baby girl. I love watching my boys with her. I love the sweetness that they reserve just for Poppy. I love watching my husband with a baby again. He gets more handsome with every kid. I am so blessed.



Friday, February 15, 2019

Poppy is THREE months old!!




Poppy turned three months old smack dab in the middle of a snow storm. We've had about 20'' of snow here (which is highly unusual)- and Poppy got to experience snow for the first time. 

Poppy is around 11 pounds and still a little peanut. She looks so similar to easton and sailor- it's pretty mind blowing. she has sailor's forehead and hairline and easton's eyes. Her ears look exactly like my dad's. My mom said the other day, "your dad keeps popping back up!" One of the greatest joys is seeing my dad in my children. It makes me miss him more, but gives me great comfort.

Poppy is beginning to mimic. When she takes a bath with me, I slash my hands in the water and she follows suit. At church on Sunday she was watching me sing and started making similar sounds...tony said, "she's singing!"

She hasn't started to giggle quite yet, but she's close. Poppy is so generous with her smiles, in between crying...(she has started to cry quite frequently). Sleeping is something that none of my kids have been great at and Poppy is no exception. She wakes up every two hours. On the dot.

She loves being swaddled, stretching, and smiling at her mama. She still has those tiny red marks at the base of her nostrils, which are so cute and call out for kisses all day long. I am in heaven with this little girl of mine. Thank you, God for such a gracious gift.

Friday, January 18, 2019

Christmas in California!

The five of us traveled home for Christmas this year. We were so excited to see family, hang out with friends, and introduce our newest family member to everyone!



We spent Christmas Eve Eve with my side of the family- the kids played in the garage, where auntie sarah decorated with snowflakes and huge boxes for the kids to take cover in while throwing fake snowballs at each other. It was so good to be with my family- lots of laughter and catching up.

Christmas Eve morning and afternoon we spend with my sister's family and my mom. I know my mom really enjoyed spending time with her FIVE grandchildren. We all exchanged gifts and the kids ran around my mom's house looking for places to hide. My sister gave me the most wonderful gift, a framed photo of my daddy, circa 1970's. Sheesh. I cried.


Christmas Eve night we went to Tony's parent's. They always make a beautiful Christmas Eve dinner and they always have LOT'S of candy and cookies...let's just say, I was in heaven. Easton showed his fourteen year old cousin some tricks on the game Fortenight...I had no idea he knew how to play the game so well (forehead slap).

We woke up on Christmas morning at Nana and Grandpa's. The boys received some pretty amazing gifts from Santa (a polaroid camera for Easton and a cross necklace for Sailor). They were gifted with bean bag chairs and slippers from Nana & Grandpa, shoes from us, and legos...plus a few other building sets, and crystals/rocks from our family on Christmas Eve Eve and Christmas Eve. Packing everything to take home was quite the challenge.

A couple days after Christmas my girlfriends surprised us with a Baby Shower for Poppy and I. I was in so much shock and joy...i cried. Again. Gosh, it was so wonderful to hang out with my friends- it's been two and a half years since we've moved to Washington and I still miss my girls more than anything.

Poppy and I went on four hikes while we were in the Bay. I got to spend time with Brandi on our first hike, Christine on our second hike, Nadine on our third, and Shayne & JJ on our fourth hike. Easton joined the hike with Christine and her kids- they did a solid four miles of the Santa Cruz mountians...I was impressed.



We also got to spend some real quality time with our best family friends. We spent an evening with the Weisgerber families- who melt my heart from joy every time we are all together. Megan's baby and Poppy are four weeks apart in age and it was so fun to introduce them! Lisa's kiddos and my boys are best of friends- they just pick up right where they leave off every time they see each other!



Our other family friends, JJ & Shayne and crew cooked us dinner and hung out until late...like we always do. Plus we did a hike in Palo Alto and went straight to the Stanford Shopping Center for lunch...putting those calories right back in after we burned them off!



Gosh, we are so blessed with friends and family. All it takes is one trip home to realize just how lucky we are.
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